Saturday, October 9, 2010

What a Sack of Chips

People don't complain when they think something sucks. Why bother? It wouldn't make a difference.

Or so I thought.

But then Frito-Lay caved like an empty bag when customers bitched about the noise from biodegradable Sun Chips packages. The company's going back to using the old bags for all flavors of Sun Chips except the original.

Power to the people!

So why am I all "What the f?%!" ?

Well, I can't help wondering what these folks were doing — were they wallowing on the couch, their orgy of consumption drowning out the music from "Dancing With the Stars"?

Maybe I'm too harsh. It is pretty complicated to grab a handful of chips or even a bowl. And just because I never noticed the noise from my own bags of SunChips doesn't mean they aren't a major public nuisance.  The bag haters must have good reasons for saying, "Screw the future."

Like this one. Say I'm driving to school one afternoon to pick up my son, with a Sun Chips bag in my lap, because God knows, the car could break down and leave me stranded like "Survivorman" in the desert. So I grab some chips — you know, to build my body's reserves — and I can't hear the radio over the f?%!ing bag! So I lean over to find the volume and BOOM! What was that? A car? A small child?

Screw the future!

At a movie my SunChips bag starts crinkling, just as Julia Roberts starts a romantic scene with Javier Bardem. A mob of fans leaps from their seats to bludgeon me with copies of "Eat, Pray, Love."

And what if I had to snack at church? For God's sake, what if I worked on a bomb squad?!

Thank God something was done!

Now maybe we can move on to whatever's just below Sun Chips on our list of priorities. Maybe — and this is just a shot in the dark — we could demand that oil companies do something to prevent giant oil spills. Or how about food safety laws to prevent outbreaks like the one that sickened thousands of people who ate salmonella-contaminated eggs.

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